Sunday, December 4, 2011

A Hungry Girl takes a Challenge

So I am really wanting to lose weight. I have been trying - sometimes half-heartedly, and other times, with quasi-OCD gusto - for several years now. I lose 5-10 pounds, get in a good rhythm going to the gym, and then gain it all back, with a vengeance.  Something happens, always, to derail me.  I'm a hungry girl. I like to cook. My boyfriend is an AMAZING cook. I love to eat. Stress at work is issue number one .. healthier foods are generally more expensive, and, well .. I'm a teacher. :) I get sick and splurge a bit to feel better. I have PMS and crave chocolate.  And then it's Sunday and someone baked a pie at Mom's. It's ALWAYS something. Like evil trolls trying to keep me plump. This shit has to stop.

Funny thing is that I really DO know how to do it ... I know how to work out, I know about portion sizes and glycemic index and not eating at night.  I never eat fast food and rarely eat white flour products. I have a great veggie garden, shop at a local farm during the spring-summer-fall. We keep absolutely no junk food of any description in our house. (Except some stuff for John's son's school lunches and I am good about not dipping into that. Usually.)  Long gone are the days of midriff baring tops and skinny jeans.  I'm not 22 anymore.. bouncing around all night to house music and burning God-knows how many calories. Then spending half my free-time in the gym because (A) My job required no work coming home with me and (B)That's what all those pretty-people in the clubs DO .. gym, tan, club, sleep(maybe) .... repeat. I never expect to be a size 2... with my hips, I'd have to be emaciated. But I want to feel pretty again.  Is that vain? I would like to wear jeans that aren't double-digit size. Like an 8 ... Oh, I was so hot when I wore an 8.  In fact, to be totally honest, I'd like to wear jeans. Period. Because I don't. I'd like to hike in the woods and not get tired and then have to deal later with an aching knee. And back. Recently, my back has started these spasms and that scared the shit out of me. I'm only 33. What is this crap? I want to be a mom ... soon-ish ... and I want to go into that journey healthier.  I don't want to add baby-weight to this weight.  Breast cancer runs in my family and I know being overweight is a risk-factor.  I hate how my arms and chin look in pictures.  I miss seeing the sleek line of my oblique muscles. Diabetes runs in my family ...

Something's gotta give ... so my mom's friend Donna is selling these diet shakes(Body by Vi) and I decided to give it a whirl.   And I'm blogging about it to stay motivated and for some accountability.  Even if nobody reads these posts, I still feel some sort of pressure to keep at it.  I'm not a fad diet kind of person but I need a little jump start.  And they're no magic diet pill ... just protein and fiber and nutrients my body needs anyway. If I can lose 10 pounds by Christmas, I'll be ecstatic.  That might be a crazy goal but I'm going to really do this thing. Donna dropped off the shakes Friday morning, 30 servings, and I can replace one or two meals a day with them.  The basic flavor is sweet cream and you can add what you like to enhance.  She gave me several of these little packets to mix in.  I promised her I would keep some notes about the shakes and how I feel. (Reason #2 for the blog.)

Day #1 - Saturday 12/2/11 ... Beginning weight: XX1.8  I am so embarrassed by the first two numbers that I am not including them.  Sorry. You get the 1 and the 8.  I'm not THAT open and honest. ;) I made a shake with water and 3 ice cubes and the banana-energy mix in.  It tasted fine and certainly gave me energy.  But I wasn't wild about the clumpiness in some spots and watery-ness in other spots.  I also do not love cold breakfasts on cold mornings.  So my coffee will have to warm me up.  I was planning to meet some students at the zoo for science fair projects, but, alas, as teenagers will do, they changed their minds and decided not to come when I was already there waiting.  I had packed one of the oatmeal-raisin nutra-cookies that Donna gave me and a water so I wouldn't be tempted to buy a burger at the zoo.  So, I ate it in the car, since I was famished. (About 3 hours after the shake.) I was not crazy about the cookie.  It tasted like a protein cookie.  Kind of dry and really BIG.  But here's the plus ... it really filled me up. And I didn't even finish it.  I was not able to eat dinner for about four hours after the cookie and I was only beginning to feel hungry maybe three-hours post-cookie. That's great for me - remember: HUNGRY GIRL. For dinner I ate a serving of a play on Puttanecsa that I make. Low-Carb angel hair, a few canned plum tomatoes, a can of salmon, a can of clam bellies, onion, garlic, olives, capers, red hot peppers, marinated eggplant, olive oil, splash of sherry, red pepper flakes, salt, pepper, dusting of fresh Parmesan ... getting those healthy-Mediterranean foods and cold water fish.  Spicy, tangy, salty ... It was super yumma. So that was all I ate yesterday ... oh, and then a vodka-soda-splash-cran.  And a margarita.

Day # 2 - Sunday. I wake with a killer headache and a bad mood.  Damn those two drinks. Am I really hung over from just two drinks? Or am I getting sick? Ugh. Then John is making pancakes and sausage. The smells fill our apartment.   He is even heating up the syrup with butter (and berries? not sure... I didn't get too close) over the stove. Are you serious. There is nothing I want more than to cuddle on the couch with him and those yummy syrupy buttery pancakes and have a lazy delicious Sunday morning, sipping coffee and watching tv. I'm super annoyed. Not his fault.  He isn't on a diet.  But DAMN. I make myself a shake, adding 5 cubes of ice because I remember yesterday's issue with the watery-ness. I also add a few frozen berries.  I turn on the blender while he is still apologizing. Very rude and childish and bitchy and un-called-for of me, I know.  BUT... PANCAKES! I ask him to save me one small one and I eat it alone in the kitchen. Cold. No butter. No syrup. Why bother. So, The Shake ... now it was almost TOO icy.  I forgot that cold foods in the morning are sort of depressing to me ... I think I need to change something up. No ice? The flavor was fine but I did not finish all of it because it was splashing me in the face as the clunk of icy-ness fell each time I took the cup away from my lips. I drink maybe 3/4 of it.  Shortly after, I have a bowl of turkey-veg soup w/ quinoa and lentils that I made with a big turkey leg left over from Thanksgiving.  (This was a late breakfast - almost 11. Weird to have soup I know but I wanted to be warmed up.) Shower-cold medicine-vitamins-nap.  I eat a serving of Puttanesca for a late lunch around 2. Still yumma. It's 4:30 now.  When I finish this blog, I am going to search for fun shake recipes and see if ice is required.  And have another shake, with a salad, for dinner. 

Today was a frustrating day. Not because of the diet or the shakes. I'm moody and tired and my head just started to feel better a little while ago. Maybe it's a cold. Or allergies. Perhaps I'm PMS-ing. In any case, I'm not giving in and eating anything worse than turkey soup or a low carb-pasta dish. I'm working through it. I'm committed. Oh, and I apologized to John. He gets my insanity, I think. We're good. I haven't succeeded in scaring him off, yet, THANK GOD. 

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